South African celebrity Katlego Maboe has been dominating news feeds for the past week. An altercation between Katlego and his former partner went viral. I’ve decided to write an open letter to him.
Dear Mr. Katlego Maboe,
At present you are a household name, though unfortunately for all the wrong reasons. You are both famous and infamous simultaneously. Loathed by many, yet loved, I reckon, by even more. The fact that there is a petition signed by nearly 50 000 people supporting you is remarkable (and let’s be honest, it speaks to both your character and credibility).
You are a man who is undoubtedly considered one of South Africa’s “sweethearts”. A man of humble beginnings, raised by grandparents who taught you the value of hard work. You rose to fame motivated by a childhood mantra of “if you can dream it you can do it”. You are an ambassador for South Africa. A representative for our nation. An inspiration to many. A South African Idol (in terms of persona and success, I consider you our very own Ryan Seacrest). You are Mr. South Africa. In fact, you are so talented, that you could not only host the Mr. South Africa pageant, but you could also be the entertainment for it, judge of it and possibly even win it. You’re that good. But with much talent, comes much opportunity. Opportunity is the breeding ground for much success (“Success”, the meaning of your name, seems to have been on the cards for you from birth). “Success breeds fame” (as it says on your NWU Alumni profile), but fame has its downside. For often with fame comes hubris and as the proverb says, “pride comes before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).
That fall came last week when an unstoppable force, that would be you, met an immovable object, the fury of a woman scorned. Your “fall” actually came some time before this, but last week the fall was felt. The epicenter of Hurricane Monique was the life, times, career and reputation of Katlego Maboe. The impact was visible. A public display of utter destruction. Like a webcam attached to those people who go Tornado chasing, this natural disaster was to be seen by all. You know who else wears webcams chasing disasters that cause destruction? The cast and crew of Cheaters.
There was Mr. South Africa man down in a blue gown with a deep frown. A fallen crown.
Beware the Quarrelsome Queen. During lockdown I did Zoom school with my 5 year old son. I had to quickly learn my Letterland characters so I could teach him the alphabet. Quarrelsome Queen is the letter Q. Interesting choice, though you can imagine the difficulty finding an appropriate word. One doesn’t come across the word quarrelsome much, unless one spends a bit of time in the Bible (the book I’m hoping you’re spending some time in). In the book of Proverbs there are a handful of references to the quarrelsome wife (a contrast to the famous wife of noble character in Proverbs 31).
The first reference that came to mind was Proverbs 21:9: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (The same verse is found in Proverbs 25:24). Just a few verses later, Proverbs 21:19, the writer says it is better to live in a desert than live with a wife like this. Now to be quarrelsome is to be contentious and argumentative. And while I’m not sure that your relationship was always marked by quarreling (I somehow highly doubt it) the video we all saw was loaded with confrontation. No holds barred confrontation.
Now bear in mind that the Proverb is not endorsing abandonment, separation or divorce. That’s not the biblical precedent for conflict resolution. It’s merely pointing out that sometimes we choose that which is easy, comfortable and more peaceful. The difficult thing to choose in this situation is love. It’s difficult to love, but no one ever said covenant-making and keeping was meant to be easy. God calls us to love people, even a Quarrelsome Queen, even when it’s difficult. You fell short in your ability to love. King Katlego couldn’t keep his covenant. Consequently, King Katlego encountered his Quarrelsome Queen.
Who could blame her? The queen became quarrelsome because she had had enough. She had every right to be angry. She felt it was time to chenga dai deng. The queen needed to quench her fury. Infidelity is inexcusable and abuse cannot be tolerated. You surely know and will testify to this. I must admit, however, that the manner in which this was handled is not to my taste. Unpalatable, in fact. You’ve been wronged, but you’re not innocent (in fact, determining who is in all of this seems to be a fairly complicated matter). I just hope that justice prevails and that the truth will be revealed and liberate you all.
Back to the analogy of nature.
As with most natural disasters there is collateral damage. Wherever it occurs, collateral damage is terrible. How sad it is of how frequently we hear of a stray bullet hitting an unsuspecting victim during a shoot out or drive-by in one of our gang-ridden areas. How terrible it is when the unsuspecting victim is a child, especially your own.
The moment you bring a life into the world, your world changes. You lose a part of yourself, only to discover a whole new side to who you are. Fatherhood will change a man. And it’s clear that being a father matters to you (even your partner admits to this). What I commend you for is that although you aren’t innocent, you are still willing to take responsibility and make amends (something many men in our South African society sorely lack).
A text I’m particularly drawn to at present is Matthew 7:9-12 (also in Luke 11:10-13). In this passage Jesus compares the goodness of an evil, sinful, earthly father to the superlative goodness of God the Father:
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
This event, in your life, and in the life of your son, presents you with an opportunity to give good gifts to him. Gifts that will prepare him and protect him for the life to come. Gifts like honesty, responsibility, security, assurance and love. How much he needs all of that right now from his earthly father.
But more than that, this is also your opportunity to recognize that there is a God, a good God, who gives good gifts, and who is waiting for you to ask. This is a God who has given, and continues to give, good gifts. In fact, he gave you the greatest gift of all.
You see, there once was a man who too was publicly disgraced and humiliated. He was man down, no gown, but a deep, deep, grief-filled, frown and a seemingly fallen crown. The difference? He rose up (like a Phoenix, some would say). He conquered life’s greatest enemy and now he sits exalted on the throne. But he didn’t just do it for himself. He is the living water that gives life and quenches your soul. He’s calling you to come and drink and find your satisfaction, peace and rest in him. He wants you to bring your sins to the foot of his cross, seek forgiveness and repent, seek for reconciliation and be restored.
Show your son that a good earthly father not only knows how to give good gifts to his earthly son, but that he knows how to ask and receive good gifts from the Heavenly Father, the ultimate gift being His heavenly Son.
There is a calm after every storm. I pray that would find your calm in God amidst the storm. May Jesus Christ be your insurance for with him you will always get something out.